Shoot To Kill, Protecting The Capitol By Aiming For The Gullet

As soon as the news that the police in London had shot a suspect eight times in the head, a man who was only guilty of having an expired visa, every off duty policeman in the district of Washington was recalled to work and instructed to report to target practice. The Fox Network began initiating drills to disperse teams of correspondents to cover the upcoming fatal shootings. Bill O’Reilly stammered and kicked an assistant in the mouth and rubbed his groin on the chin of a female co-worker and screamed for a raise until he was guaranteed the right to interview the cop who would produce the kill shot. Meanwhile at Fox studios Joe Scarborough was still in negotiations to join the network of fair and balanced news.


- Chris Mansel