Sunday, June 19, 2005

The Decline and Withering of the Conservative American Government

What more arcane can be besides a press conference in the house of the people? Regular citizens aren’t allowed to enter, a corporation or company send in their representatives to ask the questions that they want an answer to.

New York Times Reporter: Mr. President, is it true that your daughters have become sexual hoodlums and have been known to engage in sexual contact with the secret service aides, submitting them to sodomy and alcoholic reproach?

President Bush: How do you get in here? I am not going to talk about my family. I won’t answer this…uh, I won’t dicktify..I mean dignify it.

New York Times Reporter: That’s all good and fine Mr. President, but what of Karl Rove’s engaging in unspeakable acts of greed and homosexuality with you and members of your cabinet?

President Bush panics and shrugs his sheriff like shoulders and looks around. Scott McClellan steps up to the microphone:

Scott McClellan: Karl Rove does not hold an official position in the White House…

Arizona News Reporter: McClellan it’s a new age, better get used to it. A new reality, you conservatives have tried to abandon the constitution and it has happened. You won’t wake up from this nightmare.

Scott McClellan: If these kinds of comments continue I will clear the room!

McClellan waves a hand at an aide and a call is placed to the secret service. Several men in suits come into the room adjusting their earpieces and checking their weapons. Together they grab McClellan and walk him to the middle of the room. McClellan is forced under the needle of a truth serum and begins exposing the administration for its lies. CNN carries the events live.
The President storms off into the oval office only to be met by a chorus of insults from his speakerphone. The voice is that of his father.

Former President Bush: What in the hell are you doing down there in Washington Georgie? I just received a subpoena from the war crimes tribunal and Bandar just called me sounding like that guy in Scarface, he even said, “You don’t fuck me, George. You should never try to fuck me George.” You’re written off you coke head! Do you hear me?
The President cuts off the line and orders his helicopter to abandon his post.

- Chris Mansel

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