Saturday, December 03, 2005

Washington's Blue Underground

“Burn down the retinas and shave the ghost!”

Those words came from the oval office as reporters stormed the steps of the White House on Friday. Karl Rove was screaming and swinging a fourteen-pound dumbbell on the desk of the president.

Rove screamed, “I can’t fucking take it anymore. Three hundred and seventy five Iraqi’s ready for combat? What do we have to do go over there and torture the cocksuckers myself? Shit!”

Dick Cheney sat in silence mulling over the freckled face of a senate page on loan from Rick Santorum. The page stood nervously, his feet becoming clammy in anticipation and in fear of the result.

The President snorting lines of cocaine quickly answers the phone and is informed of the reporters storming past the Roosevelt room. The formerly retired Sam Donaldson loses his hairpiece in the struggle. Helen Thomas aboard a motorized scooter whizzes past Bob Woodard who was tripped up by a foaming Bill O’Reilly who keeps exposing himself.

Meanwhile in the residence first lady Laura Bush is crouched above a first century pamphlet on sobriety and tries to pick it up by using neither of her hands.

- Chris Mansel

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