Thursday, October 27, 2005

The Shores and Embankments of Pennsylvania Avenue

Upon receiving word that there would be no announcement of indictments today Karen Hughes rushed home to retrieve her hunting knife in case of a last stand. Patrick Buchanan paced around the Washington Monument and wrote a mental letter to his old friend Hunter S. Thompson. Robert Novak cursed his black maid and started out the door in the nude before being pulled back in by the ghost of George Wallace.
Meanwhile in the Oval office Laura Bush was calling up old boyfriends and spitting across the room at the president who was sitting in front of the fire swilling from a bottle of beer. Karl Rove banned now from the inner sanctum berated staffers with his infamous grab, squeeze and tickle routine all the while screaming until he blacks out.
On the hill news crews pull up their socks and adjust themselves to repeating the same talking point over and over again. Bill O’Reilly spits into his hand and adjusts his make-up while dry humping the back of his worn leather chair to the beat of an obscure German ballad.
In the Situation Room an absent Jack Cafferty is on vacation so there is no one in the studio to control the actions of Wolf Blitzer who keeps referring to himself as Alice.

- Chris Mansel

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