Kissinger Dairies

Kissinger Dairies 3


Henry Kissinger: Dick, I heard about your call with Woodward…bullshit, was that the best you could do?

Dick Cheney: I simply don’t want to discuss it Henry, this little lap dog who we had on a leash has turned on us when he smelled the change in power in the wind.

Henry Kissinger: You should know better than to tell anything to a lap dog Dick. They rub it on their paw and rub it on their ass and pretty soon every other dog in the neighborhood will come get a whiff. Why do you think President Johnson kept such a tight rein on the media coming out of Vietnam? Just because you have a handle on Fox, ABC doesn’t mean you are controlling the message.

Dick Cheney: The media is a thorn in the side of any administration.

Henry Kissinger: But bullshit? Have you been talking to Novak again?

Dick Cheney: He does help in coordinating the message.


- Chris Mansel

The Kissinger Dairies

The Kissinger Dairies 1


Henry Kissinger: Mr. President, a few instant messages are nothing to be concerned about. During Vietnam we didn’t have personal computers, the Vietnamese were there for the taking. But this was of course a time when we had sandals on the ground. (laughs)

President Bush: Shit Henry, sandals. (laughs) Is that why McNamara made so many trips over there back then?

Henry Kissinger: McNamara had a taste for the darker flesh of the service help in the Carville Hotel Mr. President; it wasn’t too far from the embassy. A page’s throw if you will.


- Chris Mansel




The Kissinger Dairies 2



Henry Kissinger: As I told you on the phone Karl these are the glass shards President Nixon used to threaten John Dean into going along to get along.

Karl Rove: Is the price the same as before, two hundred thousand?

Henry Kissinger: Yes, the same as when I sold you the drunken scrabbling of a man who contemplated selling weapon secrets to Mao for a visit to a work camp in the north of China.

I'm Afraid To Leave The House

Checked my email the other day
Newt was asking if I swung his way
Went to take my garbage out
Trent Lott was calling me out
Robert Novak hid on my lawn
He sang a limerick and carried on
I called the cops and he stumbled on

I’m afraid to leave the house
What if Sean Hannity is hiding out?
What if Rush Limbaugh spikes my drink?
Oliver North gives me a wink

Pat Robertson via satellite calls for prayers
While children drink Ovaltine and stare
What if Bill O’Reilly kneads his dough?
On a pay per view Nickelodeon show
What if Ann Coulter Tricks or Treats
Can the Patriot Act keep her at arm’s length?

I’m afraid to leave the house
What if Sean Hannity is hiding out?
What if Rush Limbaugh spikes my drink?
Oliver North gives me a wink

- Chris Mansel