I'm Afraid To Leave The House

Checked my email the other day
Newt was asking if I swung his way
Went to take my garbage out
Trent Lott was calling me out
Robert Novak hid on my lawn
He sang a limerick and carried on
I called the cops and he stumbled on

I’m afraid to leave the house
What if Sean Hannity is hiding out?
What if Rush Limbaugh spikes my drink?
Oliver North gives me a wink

Pat Robertson via satellite calls for prayers
While children drink Ovaltine and stare
What if Bill O’Reilly kneads his dough?
On a pay per view Nickelodeon show
What if Ann Coulter Tricks or Treats
Can the Patriot Act keep her at arm’s length?

I’m afraid to leave the house
What if Sean Hannity is hiding out?
What if Rush Limbaugh spikes my drink?
Oliver North gives me a wink

- Chris Mansel