Rumors

There is a rumor going around Washington that Karen Hughes has trained a miniature toy poodle to feed her raw liver. The story suggests an elaborate process aboard Air Force One particularly during campaign stops in rural areas.

Ann Coulter now shrugging off the plagiarism scandal has developed a Nicole Brown Simpson fixation and is chasing around every ex-jock politician she can find who can handle a knife despite crippling arthritis.

George Bush it is said is dismissing the label of Cowboy Politics and has set his sights on the exploits of John Voight in Midnight Cowboy and is remaking himself into a stud with the help of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and several of Condi Rice’s chatty girlfriends. A cover photo for Vanity Fair has been scheduled for the first of November.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert is in Bethesda Naval Hospital with cellulites. Apparently all that intense research into stem cells has taken their toll on Hastert. Reportedly the cellulites have been located ironically in his navel and amongst the dellulitis there has been found an embedded microphone with a serial number traced back to Joe Lieberman.

George Bush Sr., the first lord of the skulls was present at the funeral of Ken Lay. Recent reports have suggested that Ken Lay has faked his death but that rumor was put to rest when Bush Sr. dove into the coffin with lay for a photo opportunity as Barbara Bush while wearing a pin that said you can’t bury my beautiful mind took the flowers from the casket and shoved what she could into her pockets.

Katie Couric has sent out a decree saying she will not go into war zones. The head leaning, calf-exposing, morning after pill saleswoman Couric has come under the radar of Internet candor. Exposing her breasts to illegal Mexican workers who were mending the catacombs at Blackrock, otherwise known as CBS headquarters, the workers were inhabited by anecdotes Couric has yet to publish under the ghostwritten book entitled, “Let Your Thighs Be Your Guide.”


- Chris Mansel