Moon Over The Bush Family (for Jack Random)

A Secret Service agent raises up his sleeve and speaks into his fist, “Paisley Pete is on the move.” A door opens and suddenly sunlight fills the room and in walks the Reverend Sun Myung Moon flanked by two bodyguards that resemble the morons that used to aid Howard Hughes in Las Vegas. Actually they are campaign donors from Dallas, Texas that openly support pedophilia and the right of a woman to not choose.
The reverend walks grandly across the room and embraces Neil Bush, brother of President George Bush. The two men mutter something to one another and turn to face the crowd of fervent Moonies. The Reverenced takes the microphone and speaks.

“I was just telling Neil, honorable brother of panty fascist boy president, that you could not make a pedophilia without an O and a P.” The room erupts in laughter. The fervent members slap their hands on the head of those in front of them and gurgle and growl.
“I am here, your savior, your messiah to tell you I have had a vision to build a tunnel, a tunnel that will connect Alaska to Russia. No longer will it be difficult to move currency offshore. No longer will baby adoptions be difficult, you can traffic in both if you wish.” At this remark half of the judicial wing of the Republican burst to their feet and applaud.

Neil Bush stands off to the side of the stage looking at photographs an assistant of reverend Moon handed him of Asian hookers they have flown into Martha’s Vineyard for his pleasure. His cell phone begins buzzing in his pocket and Neil Bush begins ramming the front of the huge curtain behind him. After he passes out it is discovered that he had a phone call from the Walton family that owns Wal-Mart, it was an invitation to come to Martha’s Vineyard to take part in a party for the adoption of young Taiwanese boys to South Africa.


- Chris Mansel