Tribute to The Onion

The Vatican and its role in the mass-producing of Industrial Defecates
The Vatican in order or attempt to quell the many confessions and charges by parishioners,
victims, and press about the many rapes, touching and groupings have enlisted the giant pharmaceutical company Merck to create a pill to be given to any person who speaks out against the money making, golden calf inspiring, and rhetoric spinning Catholic Church. The pill will deplete the conditions of the human stomach in startling time. The person will instantly be depleted of most of the vital fluids to operate properly and will immediately require hospitalization. The Vatican in a joint press conference with Sen. Frist calls the creation of such a pill necessary to control the information that is and can be contrary to the religious right.

Tipper Gore and her backroom deal with the late Frank Zappa
In his first major act since leaving the small cramped apartment allowed for the Vice President and his family and the hate spewing crowds of the Florida vote tallying services of Governor Jeb Bush Tipper Gore former second lady secured an audience with the late Frank Zappa who years earlier testified in front of members of the Congress that Mrs. Gore and her compatriots were misguided and just plain stupid, agreed today with Mrs. Gore that artists like Raffi and Michael Jackson should be kept from the store shelves and out of the hands of mature adults who cast paranoid glances at passersby when shopping.


- Chris Mansel