A Source Tells Me

I have found a way to get national attention to the Mansel Report. I am going to write a piece that is so outrageous and send it to every major news establishment in the country. All I have to do is say a source told me. It works for the Bush administration; even Judith Miller after suddenly finding more notes of hers after getting out of prison was not questioned. Yes, that’s right, after signing her book deal she found more information.

The story I am going to write concerns the gathering of votes from people in a vegetative state, i.e. Terry Schiavo. Here goes.

A source inside the Republican Party tells me that a bill is being worked on by many freshmen congressman on the right side of the aisle that will allow those who eventually lapse into a vegetative state the ability to sign a waiver that says how they would cast their vote if they could get to the polls. By signing this waiver a proxy will appear and vote for them and will be equipped with a photograph of the person in the vegetative state and a copy of the original document. As long as the person remains in this state they can through proxy vote their conscious even though by this time they may or may not have one.

Who is my source? Well, it could be me. Years ago when I was so naïve that I actually worked to elect Fob James governor, perish the thought, I registered as a republican. Like many who fought in the civil war and did not show up for the surrender, I am still legally a republican. When asked I will reply that yes, I acquired this news item from a republican who wishes to remain anonymous. Whatever happened to the days of Abbie Hoffman? Abbie announced they were going to elect a pig president and the media reported it. Abbie said they would levitate the White House and they reported that as well.

It has not worked to tell the truth about the criminal activities. Bloggers find this information newspapers will not print until it becomes public knowledge. The only reason there are indictments being brought by major Republican Party members now is that it has become unavoidable. We know this has been going on for years but now, only now, finally it is being brought to bear. How long will we have to wait for the next big scandal? They are always there with this party. A source tells me quite a few things, but we know about these types of things don’t we?

- Chris Mansel